When I Reach 100 Pounds

If you know me at all, you know I love to reward myself. And as I approach my 100 pound mark, I'm thinking about what I should give to myself as a reminder than I'm really kicking butt.

Right now, I have a plan to see the dermatologist when I reach 100 pounds (not so much as a reward as just a good time to do it.) I have a lot of scaring from pimples that occurred when my body packed on a lot of weight quickly. Jeez..have I no shame?! Nope..not really..:)

So my plan at 100 pounds is to start the process of making the skin on my face as clear and flawless as possible. I'm quite happy with the skin on my legs and around most of my body, but everyone sees my face first. And I want to feel confident and happy about it even if it means laser treatments, scrubs and God knows what else.

My reason for choosing 100 pounds as a starting point is that I'd like to be finished with any process I have to go through by the time I reach my ultimate goal. I also have Invisaligns (clear braces) which will be completed before I hit my ultimate goal so I will have the full effect of the whole cocoon to butterfly thing. ;)

Now, back to rewards...I have to preface this by saying that even if I couldn't afford to splurge for myself, I'd have reward enough already because I feel like a new and incredible person who is active, determined and happy. That being said, I also like nice things. Who am I kidding?! I LOVE nice things. :)

So when I reach 100 pounds I'm going to purchase one of these as a gift to myself:

• The Elsa Peretti Star Necklace from Tiffany & Co. as a representation of 100 pounds lost and countless bravos (each one being a little reminder of the behavioral changes I've made, challenges I've overcome and healthy decisions that I made for myself to reach this milestone.)
  

Or

• A Michael Kors Ceramic Watch (just because it's super cute and stylish. hehe)
  

Or

• A Burberry Watch (because it's just very pretty and elegant looking.)

As you can see, I'd like a new watch, but I think that a necklace like the star would serve as a daily reminder of what I'm trying to accomplish. Note to boyfriend: If I buy myself the necklace at 100 pounds, please see the watches listed when searching for a birthday prezzie for me. ;)

And just since I'm in the mood to shop and dream, I'll tell you about my plans for 200 pounds. When I started this weight loss journey, my boyfriend and I decided that when I hit 200 pounds lost we'll go to Greece. It is close to his heart and a big desire for him as well as for me. So this time next year (or maybe a bit later, whatever) we will be planning our trip to Greece which will be unforgettable.

And since I'll need to pack for my trip in style, I plan to purchase the Louis Vuitton Pégase 55 Business rolling luggage piece. Good grief, people...it's b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l! I looked at one at LV yesterday, and I promise that I'm going to do my best to wait a year to buy it though it would be soooooo fun to bring it with me to Aruba next month! (Um, for the record...that won't be happening.)


I do think that when I reach 200 pounds lost, I'll be more than happy to pick up this piece for myself. It's stupidly extravagant and maybe even a little cheesy, but I want it. And I have a lot of work (losing weight) to do before I earn it.

It is important to have goals whether you're losing 10 pounds or 250 pounds. And, for me, rewarding myself is just another reason to look forward to reaching my goals. But rewards don't have to cost hundreds or thousands of dollars to be effective. They just need to be something out of the ordinary that will last as a reminder of how far you've come. And when I get to goal, I'll reward myself with something awesome when I've kept it off for a year..then two...then three...

Different things work for different people. But I'm clearly a person who loves pretty things, and this makes me even more excited to reach the goals I have in place.

Do you reward yourself when you accomplish something? What serves as your reminder of what you've done for yourself?

A 'Big' Moment

My boyfriend has four nieces, one of whom is 4 years old. And when I met her (two years ago at a Superbowl party) she said (over and over and over) "Kenz, you're big." Now, this little girl loves me (and has loved me from the moment we met) so she wasn't being mean or rude...just an honest little girl. And she was right.

To say that I was 'big' when I met her was certainly an understatement. I was tipping the scale at almost 400 pounds. Damn right I was big. And while I'm still no where near 'small,' I'm a lot smaller than I was. And last night she noticed.

When I walked in last night, I was greeted with lots of hugs just like always. And when I put her down she said "Kenz...you are getting so small! Why are you getting small?" I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I scooped her up again, gave her a big hug and kiss and fought happy tears. :)

When you have over 200 pounds to lose, sometimes 80 doesn't seem like a big difference - at least for me. Don't get me wrong. Most days I feel like a rock star, but it was so nice to be reminded that I'm doing so well. I knew that this little girl would see a difference in me at some point, and I knew it would be a great moment when she did. Because there is no one more honest than a child.

Obviously, I didn't need to hear anything from anyone to prove to myself that I'm doing well. I see it on the scale each week, and I feel it in my clothes, the way I move and the way I feel. But I would be lying if I said that it didn't thrill me to know that other people are noticing too.

I still have a long road ahead, but I don't mind. I can honestly tell you that I'm enjoying the journey. And that is just one of the reasons that I'm confident I'll reach my goal.

As you lose/lost weight, do you remember defining moments in your journey? If so, will you tell me about them?

Back In The Big Apple

After a long day of flight delays, mechanical difficulties while we were in the air and a delay in baggage, I'm finally home. It's 4am, but I can honestly say that even with the airplane setbacks we had en route that it was a stellar trip.

It was short, but to say I had a fantastic time would be a major understatement. I had some great experiences including shopping with a fellow blogger and friend, Kimberly from Fab Finds Under 50. I didn't think it was possible, but she is actually even more gorgeous (inside and out) in person. I'm so thankful that we were able to meet and enjoy a few hours together. I bought a fabulous Michael Kors bag while we were out. We walked around many lovely shops and had some awesome 80 calorie sorbet. Thanks Kimberly!

Later that day, a big wish came true for me. My long time pen pal came to spend a few days with me. I 'met' Josh through my ex-boyfriend over 7 years ago, and while that guy was out of the picture a long, long time ago, Josh has always remained.


For most of my adult life, I have shared everything with this guy...my ups and downs, fears and accomplishments...and he has done the same with me. I feel so lucky to have finally been able to look at him face to face...and to hear his voice without holding a cell phone against my ear. He was just as wonderful as I had already known just in case you're wondering..:)

And speaking of my luck, I'm beyond lucky to have an awesome boyfriend who didn't mind gambling (um, for the record...it's one of his favorite hobbies) while I spent time with Kimberly then Josh. He doesn't wish to appear on the blog so I'll refrain from posting pics of us. Instead, I'll post a pic of some of his winnings. I just love those thousand dollar chips. The $500 dollar chips aren't bad either. ;)


Josh, boyfriend and I spent a lot of time together too - eating, drinking and having fun. We walked the strip yesterday too -- something I would not have done when I was there last year. And I did it without feeling tired or winded which is an accomplishment for me! Last year, I wouldn't have even tried.

The three of us went to MGM together to see Drew Carey and his amazing cast of improv performers including Ryan Stiles and several other really funny people. They taped the show for TV (probably HBO.) And we laughed as they performed for almost two hours.

I ate several unhealthy meals and consumed a bit of alcohol last night, but I'm ready to start the week in a healthy way now that I'm back home. My water bottles are filled. I will do extra cardio this week, and I'll remind myself that when I eat well and exercise, I lose weight. A few days of less than stellar eating will not stop me from moving forward.

And I can't forget to mention that I also got to see some friends from Oklahoma who were there. I'm telling you..it was a busy few days, but it was jam packed with moments that have already become awesome memories for me.

Now, after being up for 20 hours a day for the last few days, I'm ready to curl up in my own bed with clean sheets, place my sleep mask over my eyes and sleep like a stone until it's time to wake up and head to an awesome Superbowl party.

One great thing about vacation is that I love going home too. I can't wait to travel to Aruba next month, but I'm so utterly thankful that home is just as exciting as any place I could visit.

I feel lucky because I am lucky. =)

I Feel Lucky

Snow is falling outside my window, and everything is surprisingly quiet and beautiful. It's almost time to shower and head to the airport so I should be sleeping. But I'm too excited to sleep.

I can't explain why I'm so excited about going to Vegas. I mean, I love it, but it's not like I haven't been there before. This trip is particularly exciting on many levels, including the fact that I'll get to see friends from a few different states. I'm also going to meet one of my favorite bloggers. I was reading her blog before I even had my own! I'm also going to see a long time friend who lives across the country, in addition to spending time with my loving, super hot and awesome boyfriend.

My bags are packed - including the ziploc bags full of carrots and cucumbers along with the sandwich and other things that I'll take to eat on the plane. The flight from NYC to Las Vegas is long, but I'm prepared. My boyfriend will thank me for this when he realizes that he's hungry too!

I just have a feeling that this is going to be a great week! I hope I'm right! And I hope it's as good for all of you as it is for me. Wish me luck!

Today I....

Today I...will get a mani/pedi. I usually get them at the end of the week, but it is imperative that I have well-groomed hands and feet on vacation. ;)

Today I...will cuddle with my cocker spaniel before she goes to stay with family for the week.

Today I...am packing for a trip that I'm really excited about.

Today I...will watch White Collar because it's such an awesome show. USA is the station to watch on Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday. Thank you, DVR!

Today I...will talk to my mom and my dad on the phone. I talk to both of them almost every day.

Today I...weigh much less than I did at this time last year.

Today I...might find it hard to sleep when I go to bed because I'm ready to catch a flight.

Today I...will eat healthy foods because it's what I do...and most of the time, it's what I like!

Today I...will read and comment on several blogs.

Today I...am going to do a little last minute shopping.

Today I...will drink at least 8 glasses of water. I usually drink ten to twelve.

Today I...will kiss my boyfriend and tell him that he makes me really happy.

Today I...plan to pay a visit to an elderly friend who could use a hug and a smile. :)

Today I...will do my best to be the kind of person I want to be.

What will you do today?

Family and Friends Getting Thin Challenge Update

Week One flew by! If you were part of the Family and Friends Getting Thin challenge then be sure to post your results for the week. I'll announce this week's winner tomorrow. =)

The challenge for this week is to drink at least 8 glasses of water per day. The challenge starts Monday goes through Sunday. Let me know if you plan to take part in this week's contest!

I drink three 32 oz. bottles of water almost every day. It's not hard to do if you start drinking it early. It's also easy to drink it if you drink it while you exercising. Just do your best, and let me know how it goes.

Was last week's fruits and veggies challenge tough? How did you do?!

A New Day

It's a new day, and that's a beautiful thing. If you read the post I wrote yesterday then you know I was having a bad afternoon. Note to self: Don't go shopping when it's that time of the month. I felt horrible because I went shopping and couldn't find anything I liked which led to feeling bad about myself, my body and even my progress (forgetting the fact that there are tons of days in which I find great buys shopping and tons in which I find nothing.)

When I left the store, I went to the gym to burn off steam (and calories) then headed home to mope around a bit more. I called my Dad, and we talked for over an hour and a half. We talked about my weight-loss (and how it's awesome.) And we talked about everything else we thought about...the weather, our friends, etc. And by the time our call ended I was feeling much better.

Then I laid on the floor and looked through some of the scrapbooks I've made, and I saw myself in pictures before I began losing weight. And it was easy to see that I've already come a long, long way. And, once again, I felt proud to look at myself in the mirror.

My eyes look wider and brighter. And in so many pictures, I was sitting with friends eating a pizza or some other kind of garbage that I rarely eat now. I can see a little definition in my face now...and a lot less stomach...

So when I stopped letting one shopping trip cloud the way I see myself and when I was reminded by so many of you that we all have bad days, I felt better. And I decided to clean out my big closet. I filled several bags with clothes that are too big for me, and I found several pieces of clothing that now look awesome.So I was down for several hours, but now I'm happy again. Thanks for taking the time to listen.

What do you do to feel better when you're feeling down?

Long Road...

Few people on this earth could possibly understand how I'm feeling right now, but I have to talk about it anyway. I feel bad. On an average day, you'll see me with a big grin on my face, excited about this or that and happy with myself. But today I'm not feeling it. Today I'm feeling like someone I don't even know.

I've lost 77 pounds in the last several months, and it is still nearly impossible to find clothes that are flattering. I still have no defined style because if it fits well, I wear it. The pretty outfits that I see in the window even when I walk by plus-size stores are still outfits that I cannot always wear. And today, I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to tell the folks at Lane Bryant and Avenue to screw off. I want to feel normal.

But none of those things will happen today - except maybe the crying part. The rest doesn't matter. The rest is just part of a bad day that I wish I could skip over to get to the next good one. But I realize that on this journey to change my life, I can't be afraid of the bad days. I can't let those dictate what I really believe about myself.

I still don't like my body, but I do love who I am. And I recognize a few physical changes that have begun to show, and I do know, without a doubt, that if I continue doing what I'm doing there will be a day (soon) in which I can walk into a store and leave with something pretty that I chose because it's flattering and feminine and because I want it.

When I left Avenue this afternoon, whose current clothing lines could be described as cheap and dumpy at best, I headed straight for the gym. I jumped on the treadmill and worked myself into a long, hard sweat. I took my frustrations out on unwanted calories and they burned.

I still don't feel cheery and lovely, but I do feel something that I didn't feel on days like these before I started losing weight. I feel hope. I feel happy about the future because I'm making it what I want it to be. And I feel comfort because I while I may feel frustrated today, I know that it's temporary. And I know that I have made the changes that I need to make to feel good about myself in the long run. I just have to keep working so my body can continue to catch up.

I know that big life changes can take a long time. And patience has never been one of my virtues, but I'm in this for the long haul. And I refuse to give in to these feelings of inadequacy because I know how far I've come. I am the master of my own attitude.

Reasons To Be Excited

I'm excited because I lost 1.4 pounds this week taking me to 76.8 pounds. And I just realized that it is possible to lose 100 pounds by April 2 which will be my one year mark. If I don't reach it, I'll come very close so I've decided that I'm going to try!

I have been eating well and exercising for almost a year, but I could still improve in my eating. And that is precisely what I'm going to do starting now. I'll never be perfect, but I know that if I do my best I'll see amazing results. Just look back on the last several months!

My weight-loss journey began on April 2, 2009. And on April 2, 2010, I would love to say that I've lost 100 pounds by enjoying a healthy and satisfying lifestyle. Knowing that I've lost 77 is pretty awesome, and it's only going to get better.

I cannot explain how or why I know this, but I absolutely know that I will reach my ultimate goal. And I already feel incredible about how far I've come.

What are your short-term goals? And how do you feel about your long-term goals?

It's That Time Again

Thursdays are an exciting day for me because it's weigh-in day. I'm always nervous before stepping on the scale, but this week I have reasons to be nervous. I ate poorly last Friday, but I did two hours of cardio that day. And the rest of the week I ate very well. I exercised everyday too with exception of Sunday. I promised my boyfriend that I would skip a day of exercise so my body could heal. And after five minutes on my recumbent bike, I knew I needed to stop. He was right (though no one needs to tell him I said so.)

It was a really tough week for me because I couldn't stand not exercising at full strength, but this was my second week of bronchitis so I did my best to take it easy - only doing low impact cardio. It's also that special time in a girl's life -- you know, cramps, headaches and tears for no reason. ;) So like I said...tough week.

The truth is that I'd probably be better by now if I had been more responsible with my body. I find it difficult to lay around or stay still for too long. But when you're sick, your body needs it. And while I know that, I'm still working on accepting it.

I'm going to try to see the doctor again on Friday, and I'll skip my workout tomorrow. Ugh. I know I need to relax to heal. Blah, blah, blah....I'm just so full of energy these days. And I'm terrified of falling into an exercise-free rut that I so often hear of people falling into.

That being said, it is weigh-in day. And I hope I did well. But I know that I could have worked harder (you know, by not eating garbage Friday.) I also know that when I do my best, I get good results. So I won't be too discouraged if the scale is unkind.

Wish me luck as I prepare to face the music. It's important to remember that I've had a great week with exception of one day, right? And I know that if I keep doing what I usually do, I'll see great results in the long run.

What do you do to prefer for weigh-in day?